Here's a fun an incredibly embarrassing story that happened to me at the office the other day.
As some of my Norelco Groomer using friends can attest, grooming with the Norelco makes operations down under a lot smoother. For those of you who don't know what the Norelco groomer is, google it, or just go ahead and get one on Amazon. It is a magical device that, for the first time in my life, has made me aware of the existence of my taint. One of its other benefits is that farts become magical, something else altogether. It's much more difficult to keep them in without the butt hair muffler in the way. They're like escaped convicts running for their lives from their ass prison. They even sound different, healthier, louder; every single one ringing with a reverberating "BRRRRAAAPPPTT".
I was going through our legal files yesterday, standing, when suddenly my ass committed an office felony without my approval. The ninja fart snuck up on me like a stinky assassin and, before I could do anything about it, "BRRRAAAAPPPTT"!
It's futile to pretend that I didn't notice anything. The surprise attack froze me to the spot, but a split second later, I regained my composure and shuffled files back and forth, closed and opened drawers; anything to make a lot of noise. Maybe they'll confuse the fart for rustling papers inside a steel cabinet.
It looks like my plan had worked. No one mentioned a thing, no one looked up or giggled. I was in the clear.
Or so I thought. My boss and I were helping one of the secretaries move a desk, and my boss was cracking jokes. She commented that he's "such a hoot today", to which he responded "better a hoot than a toot", while shooting me a sly look with a mischievous smile.
I'm not sure how many different shades of red I turned, but thank goodness my boss finds farts funny. Ah Norelco, you are a blessing and a curse.
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2 comments:
Wonderful story. I too have a Norelco groomer, at your and Forty's recommendation, and it makes life...different. The first time though, I went too far, and I think I cut my taint. The pain wasn't so much physically intense as it was excruciating at a gut revulsion level, that I would cut something so precious and so rare. It took me a week to get up the courage to try again.
Taints are rare. You just don't come by that many these days.
A week isn't a long time at all to build up the courage again. If I cut my precious bejeweled taint, I probably would never use the Norelco again.
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